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5 Practical Tips to Immediately Improve Communication with your Partner

Do you ever feel like your partner is not listening to you?

Are being accusing you of nagging whenever you start a conversation?

Do you feel lonely in your relationship due to lack of communication?

If you answered yes to some or all of the above questions, you are not alone.  Apparently, communication is one of the biggest problem that couples face whether they are in an intimate relationship or marriage.

Communication is not only through spoken words, we communicate with our body language, with the way we look at eachother and the opinions we hold.  We communicate with our thoughts, our intention and our actions.

Here are my five tips to help you to communicate with your partner so that you both get your needs met and improve the quality of your relationship.

1) Set a clear outcome for what you want.

Before you start a conversation, especially a difficult one, meaning there is something that you are not happy with and you want to let them know in order to create change.  Get very clear in your mind what is the specific outcome you want i.e. I would like my partner to bath and put the children to bed at least two nights a week.

Not, "I want them to help me with the children more". Because when we are being too general, it can be perceived as nagging and complaining which always tends to escalate into a argument where one person starts to get defensive. 

When we are being specific, we are letting them know  exactly what we want and how to do it, then there’s no room for confusion or being accused of complaining.

2)  Choose the right moment.  Don’t start when your partner just come through the door and you start complaining that they don't help you or there’s too much to do around the house.  Continuing to do this can make them retreat, in the future, they might take stay late at work instead of coming straight home to avoid confrontation.

3) Always start the conversation with ‘I’.  When we start a conversation with ‘I’ we are taking ownership of our feelings and our needs which gives us more control over the situation. We are not blaming him or her for how we feel, instead we are making a request and we ask our partner to understand us and help us with what we have asked.  This way of communication will get you what you want more than blaming and nagging.

4) Let go of the expectation that he or she has to do what you have asked.  In a healthy, mature relationship, no one needs to do what they don’t want to do.  Because if they do they will feel resentful and long term resentful will harm our relationship rather than nurture it.

5) Try to meet your own needs whenever you can.  We come to a relationship to give and not just to get.  Whenever possible, meet your own needs, have a good circle of close friends, have a separate hobby, get fulfilment from your job ... so that you don’t totally depend on him to meet your every need.  This will create a healthy, fulfilling relationship that will stay strong with the test of time.

Good relationships do not happen by accident, it has to be created and nurtured.  Work on improving your relationship by learning to communicate with love and compassion because when your relationship is good, other aspects of your life will be good too.

If you have any questions or comments, please share below.

Loanne is a Relationship Strategist and Coach who is sucessful in helping couples re-ignite their passion and find love again when the relationship has gone stale or in crisis.  If you are going through tough time or facing difficulties in your relationship please contact  Loanne to have a chat or request a FREE discovery session. 









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